Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
