I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
