my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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