he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize