you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My cat gives me a boner
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
