I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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