I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
