we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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