did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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