from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize