That's intense
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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