i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
