I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
