glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
