I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
