letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
