Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
