yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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