I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize