Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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