I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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