I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
