i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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