How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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