he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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