last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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