Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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