You just made me feel so damn special
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
