the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
