He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
