Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
