Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
