these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
