That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
