You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
