Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
