he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
