I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
