Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
