On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PANTIES FOUND
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
