it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
