Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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