I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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