Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
