Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
