Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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