Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
