Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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