Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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