i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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