There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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