i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
