I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
