My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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