I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
