if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
