Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
