I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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