If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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