And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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