:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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