she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
