wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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