I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
