kristin has been a bad kristin
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
