By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
