So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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