hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
